I needed to complete steps4 and 5 before I could focus on my character weaknesses. I needed to surrender my will before I could address my resentments, fear, and harms. I needed faith in a higher power before I could surrender my will to him. Who knows best what I need and when I need it? I wasn’t ready to make some amends until I had worked through my more serious character weaknesses. #1The ideal time line for me is one set by my higher power. What is an ideal time line for working the 12 steps? To have no time line at all, to me, is an invitation for an addict to continue putting it off and not really making real changes at all - making recovery work a 2nd or 3rd or lower priority. This is something that I need to work on, not him. If that is triggering to me, (and I admit, I used to get stressed out by this) but that only means that I am having a problem with me. He'll relapse sooner or later, and when his wife decides she's had enough, he'll either change or he wont. It doesn't help him and it doesn't help me. Do I drop him? I can really care less if he's got me just to appease his wife or therapist. It makes sense.Ī guy that doesn't work isn't working. SO yeah, they like what the 90 Day program has to offer. Usually, when I hear people talk about how well they like the structure of the 90 day program, its from guys who have only been going through PASG, which has NO structure. I didn't WANT change, and so change didn't happen to me. I've had sponsors who forced, and I found myself doing the work, but not much more. I believe that demanding a timeline for working the steps forces one to do something against their will.
I have a sponsor through SA with 2+ years of sobriety, which to us means no slips, no relapses. But there was no lasting behavioral change.
It didn't help much even though I felt like it did at the time. What has been the best way you've worked the 12 steps with a sponsor? When is it ok to drop a sponsee who continues to not work the steps, not stay sober, and not keep commitments? For me, sponsoring can be triggering when I have a sponsee who isn't reaching out, isn't really doing anything he says he's doing, and makes me feel like he's got me as a sponsor mainly to appease his wife or therapist who has told him to get a sponsor or else.ģ.
What is an ideal timeline for working the 12 steps? To have no timeline at all, to me, is an invitation for an addict to continue putting it off and not really making real changes at all - making recovery work a 2nd or 3rd or lower priority.Ģ. Questions I'd have for all of you reading this:ġ. No one can force another to live in recovery - it's a personal choice.įor me, the 90 day program provided structure as I worked the steps all the way through the first time.Īs I've worked with sponsees since, I want that structure as well, but maybe fine tuned some. Ultimately, I feel like the biggest red-flag is an attempt by Mark (who I've talked to a few times on the phone - nice guy really) to control the outcome. Why Mark G won't allow others help the cause more, why all work has to be re-submitted back to him for "approval," the timeframe - these are a few of my questions. I have to agree that there are things I'd like to see different about the program, the main one being the primarily top level down management. The 90 Day program was a good experience for me when I went through it.
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